Friday, December 31, 2004


Will this work???

Finally... I figured out how to place a picture on this site... Anyway, this was taken at my parents house back at Angola (yes, the LA state pen) over my Christmas leave... This is Daddy's latest big boy toy. We went mud riding and had a big ole time getting filthy out around the levee next to the Mighty Mississippi...


Monday, December 27, 2004

Back At The Apartment.......

So yes.... I have returned from a much needed break over in Louisiana. I had great opportunities to catch up with several of my 1st cousins that I grew up with as well as my sister, mother, father, grandmother, aunt's, and even uncles. If you have not guessed yet, I know quite a bit of my family. It's kind of peculiar that I never realized my strong sense of family until I moved thousands of miles away and met all kinds of people. Most people that I have run across are fortunate to know both parents and all their siblings. I had the opportunity to know all of my grandparents... some great grandparents.... great aunts and uncles.... all my 1st cousins.. and even a good number of my 2nd cousins... That's sooo crazy... Well, I have God to thank for such abundant blessings in the family department...

It's peculiar to finally come back to HI and to stay at my little apartment. This place has really only been a place to visit... to recuperate from the stresses of my job...but I have enjoyed it immensely. The beautiful ocean/mountain view... the quiet little neighborhood... It's crazy.. but I really enjoy just doing laundry, cleaning up the place, and cooking.... It's almost like a little vacation to pretend that this is my house.. and that I live here. The mundane things of a regular lifestyle never seem so appealing until your life is radically changed by a working culture that pervades your very existence...

Business until the point of breakdown.... That is all that I see when I step foot onto my ship... I have to just turn off everything, when I leave in order to grab some peace of mind. My purpose and mission in life seem to dissipate the very moment my mind wonders to the issues I face at work.... And I am having difficulty reconciling God's will for me on a daily basis in this setting.

I feel as if I am barely surviving.. but I want to be exuding the life of Christ for all to see and OVERCOMING... My heart burns to magnify the glory of my God in my work... but I have been under such oppression... I can't tell if it's just my circumstances.. if it's a spirtiual attack... or if I am just failing miserably... I do know that this job thus far has proven to be the biggest challenge of my life thus far... And so i keep pressing on to make things better.... to bring order into the chaos of my responsibilities that makes up my job... With that I close....

Saturday, December 04, 2004

The Next Step

FINALLY... Deployment is definitely coming to a close being that I will be back in Louisiana on DEC 16!!!!!!!!! I honestly do not believe that I have ever been so excited about an event in my entire life to date.

So yes, not only am I new to the blogging world, but I fear that I will forever be one of those random bloggers who only blogs once in a blue moon due to the nature of my job. So I wanted to give any potential readers that disclaimer.

Wow... so yeah I could really let out inordanite amounts of steam in this blog; however, I believe that I will take a slightly different approach. As difficult as this job has been and as much stress that I have experienced over the course of these last 5.5 months, I am beginning to get a better picture on leadership. Being that I am an officer in the United States Navy... I am supposed to be a leader of men and women... This cannot just be purely a job for me. I am responsible for the lives of REAL PEOPLE.

So often during my time underway, I have been solely focused on my difficulties with qualifying, standing my own watches, and worried about catching some sleep here and there. I am quite ashamed to tell you the truth, that I have not been serving my people to the best of my ability. Talk about a NEED for change... I have taken an oath to my country to be a SERVANT not only to the causes of my country and the defense of the Constitution, but I have taken an oath to lead MEN and WOMEN under my command. Some how I lost sight of that committment amongst the flood of tasks, watches, and other little details along the way. No wonder why I have been hating life.... I have not been fulfulling God's will for my life by leading according to Jesus' standard.... that's the standard of obedience in case you are wondering... So obedience to what you might be asking?? "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind" PLUS " Love your neihbor as yourself"... It reads like two different commands; however, I sincerely believe that they are two in the same.

For instance, you can't just look after yourself and expect to "love" God by prayer times and scripture reading if you are not doing everything within your grasp to love those around you. Also, you can't expect to whine about how different or difficult it is to be surrounded by broken and spiritually defeated individuals...

One you are not expected to love others out of your own love unaided... Two your very EXISTENCE has a Believer, a man or woman after God's own heart, is purposed to aid God by being a vessel of His unconditional love in order to forcefully advance His Kingdom in a dying and broken world.

All of the whining... all of the doubt in my heart... all of the selfishness I have suffered from during my time on board has slowly been choking the insane abundance of life that Jesus has personally promised us all in John10:10. Praise God that He is opening my eyes to the trap that I have been lured into.

Don't get me wrong... I am sure that God has been able to use me in His Kingdom during my time here on board... I am just saying that I have been severaly limited by my own choices and chosen perceptions of my life on board here thus far... All I know is that I don't want to be hindered by such foolishness anymore... Or to be driven by achievement....

Thank you for taking the time to read this... Please pray for my continued reconciliation with the King of Kings that I might be further transformed into a man after His own hear that I might be more effective in furthering His Kingdom in the hearts of the men and women that I work with.
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