Friday, December 09, 2005

DOES HE CARE???

You ever wonder why heartbreak is such a terrible place to be??? Do you ever wonder how it could hurt so bad to genuinely love and care for someone??? Only to get smashed and mashed beyond recognition.... No wonder so many people would just as soon stay un-engaged or numb... Who wants to feel exquisitely excruciating raw emotional pain??? Have you ever sat down and thought about how a broken heart is an untangible thing yet it hurts much more than any physical pain? Well, I ponder such things... Every nasty selfish thought or feeling rears its ugly head, when the shit really hits the fan.... It's times like this, when you really find out about the fleshly nature that resides in you... It's times like these that you realize on your own that you do not have ANY redeeming qualities within yourself on your lonesome own....

I don't see how He does it.... I honestly cannot begin to fathom how the Heavenly Father cares so deeply... and can dole out so much grace to a people who really have little to no redeeming qualities in them.... His patience is infinite..... His love always so intimate... WHO IS THIS KING OF GLORY... that pursues us with His love?????????????????? How does His forgiveness penetrate the crap that is all the unfaithfulness of His people... How can He see thru the wickedness that is the abundance of sin in my life???????

If we are truly made in His image, I guess it means that we share a similar capacity to love deeply and unconditionally totally without regard to being loved in return. How come so many times I find myself wanting to take a different path... one that involves self-gratification.... ???
Taking the path of least resistance always seems to be the road to life... It's the road most people tend to take throughout their lives at some point or another... It's too bad that this wide path goes straight to the gates of Hell and leads people down a grisly path that has no return.... It wreaks of death and decay.... It is mind numbing, heart defiling, and stifles the true Word of God...

I realized today that though I might tend to want to space out, check out, or force reality from my mind.... it is a pretty destructive way of dealing with heart break... Sometimes the best thing you can do I'm finding... is to embrace the loss of your loved ones... embrace the change in life that has befallen you.... and in turn embrace the heart of God.... He won't necessarily make it easy for you.. He won't take away all of your pain in the blink of an eye so to speak.... He will more than likely shed a tear or two with you....and tary there for a while......... as you turn to Him with your hurts... as you lash out in your anger and pain... He will just sit and hurt with you... I don't really understand why.... But I will step out in faith and say that He does have my best interest at heart... Though I don't understand Him... or His ways... I will continue to choose to place my trust in Him................just for today... for each new day poses it's own challenges and it never really seems to get easier... though His Word does say that His mercies are new every morning.... I am finding that I do look forward to the morning these days....

You see... God the Father is more intimately familar with deep hurt and heartfelt pain than another other being on this earth.... Throughout the ages He has witnessed countless tradgties... has carried a burden of sorrow farther than anyone could really imagine.... When His children experience pain... He does not enjoy watching them suffer... but it allows them the possibility to have a small snapshot of His heart and to really know how much He cares.... as well as revealing a character within them that might have laid unveiled perpetually....

Alright enough late nite ramblings from a wandering mind.... I'm out... I wonder if I will regret posting this in the morning.... Time will tell the tale.............................................

Friday, December 02, 2005

It is well with my soul....

Have you ever been asked to give up your most precious possession?
How about your most cherished gift from a dear loved one?
What was your response?

Now compare that with the God of love... the Creator of all things... The King of Kings not only asking you to give up your most cherished possessions, but the person you cherish the most. Is there any kind of theme...here???

Ask a guy named Abraham... Well... at first his name was Abram... God introduced Himself to Abram and shortly thereafter told him to leave everything he ever knew to go to a place he had never been. He continued to promise Abram that He really did have his best interest at heart... Well... That's not so bad you say.... It was probably a nice change of pace for good ole Abram...

Hmm... let's fast forward towards the end of Abraham's life..... God had made a promise to him that Sarah (his wife) would have a child... The only thing was he had to wait lots of YEARS... Abraham was 100 YEARS OLD!!!!! If you think that's crazy... it gets even worse... or better... (depends on perspective)....

Would you believe that God called Abraham to SACRIFICE ie KILL the child of promise the SON HE LOVED(Isaac)???? How INSANE is that????? What did Abraham do??? The next morning he set out to follow the Lord's instructions... Talk about OBEDIENCE..... I cannot even imagine that... How did he feel? Betrayed??? Depressed??? Mournful??? I can only imagine....It's a good thing God was just testing Abraham and did not allow him to follow through that time....

All this to say, I am facing some pretty big hurtles right now actually.... I've been called to give up a very cherished person in my life... Someone I have most definitely come to love.... It's definitely something I am very unhappy about not to mention a bit dazed and confused..... Could be for a season.... Could be for good.... Only the Father knows.... He is the only one who will always be consistently there for me and His grace will always abound... He is my hope and in Him I choose to place my trust... It's interesting how over time it doesn't necessarily get easier to trust God with your heart and the people near and dear to your heart... but the out come is always positive IF you follow through and step out in faith that He has your best interest at heart.... and so I find myself at this crossroad once more....

Do I trust Him? Or do I fall into bitterness, selfish anger, and self-pity? I must say though it's never easy to hang in there and trust Him with the deepest darkest desires of your heart..... Past experience tells me that it is surely the best answer... The other will just drain the life out of you second by second.. minute by minute.. hour by hour... day by day... month by month..... I know.. because I've tried the other choices.... and at times like this they even seem a little appetizing... Let's hope I continue to choose Him.......
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