Friday, December 09, 2005

DOES HE CARE???

You ever wonder why heartbreak is such a terrible place to be??? Do you ever wonder how it could hurt so bad to genuinely love and care for someone??? Only to get smashed and mashed beyond recognition.... No wonder so many people would just as soon stay un-engaged or numb... Who wants to feel exquisitely excruciating raw emotional pain??? Have you ever sat down and thought about how a broken heart is an untangible thing yet it hurts much more than any physical pain? Well, I ponder such things... Every nasty selfish thought or feeling rears its ugly head, when the shit really hits the fan.... It's times like this, when you really find out about the fleshly nature that resides in you... It's times like these that you realize on your own that you do not have ANY redeeming qualities within yourself on your lonesome own....

I don't see how He does it.... I honestly cannot begin to fathom how the Heavenly Father cares so deeply... and can dole out so much grace to a people who really have little to no redeeming qualities in them.... His patience is infinite..... His love always so intimate... WHO IS THIS KING OF GLORY... that pursues us with His love?????????????????? How does His forgiveness penetrate the crap that is all the unfaithfulness of His people... How can He see thru the wickedness that is the abundance of sin in my life???????

If we are truly made in His image, I guess it means that we share a similar capacity to love deeply and unconditionally totally without regard to being loved in return. How come so many times I find myself wanting to take a different path... one that involves self-gratification.... ???
Taking the path of least resistance always seems to be the road to life... It's the road most people tend to take throughout their lives at some point or another... It's too bad that this wide path goes straight to the gates of Hell and leads people down a grisly path that has no return.... It wreaks of death and decay.... It is mind numbing, heart defiling, and stifles the true Word of God...

I realized today that though I might tend to want to space out, check out, or force reality from my mind.... it is a pretty destructive way of dealing with heart break... Sometimes the best thing you can do I'm finding... is to embrace the loss of your loved ones... embrace the change in life that has befallen you.... and in turn embrace the heart of God.... He won't necessarily make it easy for you.. He won't take away all of your pain in the blink of an eye so to speak.... He will more than likely shed a tear or two with you....and tary there for a while......... as you turn to Him with your hurts... as you lash out in your anger and pain... He will just sit and hurt with you... I don't really understand why.... But I will step out in faith and say that He does have my best interest at heart... Though I don't understand Him... or His ways... I will continue to choose to place my trust in Him................just for today... for each new day poses it's own challenges and it never really seems to get easier... though His Word does say that His mercies are new every morning.... I am finding that I do look forward to the morning these days....

You see... God the Father is more intimately familar with deep hurt and heartfelt pain than another other being on this earth.... Throughout the ages He has witnessed countless tradgties... has carried a burden of sorrow farther than anyone could really imagine.... When His children experience pain... He does not enjoy watching them suffer... but it allows them the possibility to have a small snapshot of His heart and to really know how much He cares.... as well as revealing a character within them that might have laid unveiled perpetually....

Alright enough late nite ramblings from a wandering mind.... I'm out... I wonder if I will regret posting this in the morning.... Time will tell the tale.............................................
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